It was 20 years ago today

It was one of my students who reminded me that today was the 20th anniversary of the death of Bill Hicks. Amazing that 20 years has passed so quickly and that he was only 32 when he died. Hicks was simply one of the funniest and most powerful comics I have seen perform. He is dearly missed and clearly his routines still resonate with young adults today. Click on the 'Bill Hicks' label below for more blog posts on the great man and clips of some of his performances. Or don't. Your choice.

[In fact don't... for some reason, clicking on this label will only show you this post. It doesn't find earlier posts with this label. You can search this blog for 'Bill Hicks' instead if you're really interested.]

Lucky in love

If you were looking for some kind of expert opinion on love then I guess you might go searching in the words of philosophers, poets, and songwriters. And with good reason, as love in all its guises has been the domain of such thinkers and writers for millennia (with perhaps Huey Lewis and the News' The Power of Love being the obvious pinnacle of such endeavours?).  I doubt psychologists would feature highly on your list of people to turn to for an expert opinion on this topic. And I can understand why. Psychologists' track record for casting light on love has not been strong, tending to focus instead on the psychology of interpersonal attraction rather than the more slippery concept of love. (Notable exceptions are perhaps Robert Sternberg with his Triangular Theory of Love, and more recently Barbara Fredrickson's take on 'love' as micro-moments of shared positive emotion.)

It therefore seems a little odd that I sit here, as a self-confessed psychologist, writing about love on that most romantic (!) of days, Valentine's Day. Especially as I am not even one of those psychologists to have researched the psychology of love (or even the psychology of interpersonal attraction). So why am I writing this? And why are you reading it? Well, one topic I have spent time studying is the psychology of luck, and there may be a few things one can draw from that research that have some bearing on how we go about finding that special person with whom we might fall in love. 

What it comes down to is this. So much of what happens in our lives is due to luck. And by that I mean include chance, happenstance, fortune, unplanned events, whatever you like to call it. Luck plays a central part in most (if not all) of the important (and the not so important) things in life. And this includes the people you meet. From whom you happened to sit next to at school, to whom happened to live near you when you grew up, to whom happened to go to the same college or university as you, to whom happened to be in that pub the same night you happened to pop in there for a drink or two. This might seem obvious, and it might seem trivial, but an awareness of how much of this is beyond our control highlights how meeting our ideal partner, our 'soulmate' if you like, is luck of the draw. Or, if you prefer, it is fated. Either way, there is not much you can do about it. Or is there?

It may sound a little bleak to say that finding love is all down to luck, especially if today you find the doormat rather bereft of cards from secret admirers! But let's not be so hasty... the flip-side is you're better off accepting this is how it is, relaxing into it, and believing the right person will find their way to you all in good time. Whether you believe in fate or not, it is likely that adopting this kind of perspective will mean you worry less about meeting Mr. or Ms. Right, which will have an impact on how you come across to others. This approach will also mean you are more open to possibilities, and therefore open to the idea of meeting that special someone when you least expect it.

So relax. Believe you will find someone when the time is right. And don't go searching for it. By all means widen your social network and take opportunities to meet new people when you can, but don't do these things with the direct intention of meeting your life partner. Do it because you want to and because you enjoy meeting new people. It may well be that the love of your life finds you in this way, or you may find you were living next door to them all along! 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Suggested reading

Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become. NY: Hudson Street Press.

Sternberg, R. L., & Weis, K. (Eds.) (2006). The New Psychology of Love. Yale University Press.

Wiseman, R. (2004). The Luck Factor. London: Arrow.

Friday 13th: Lucky for Some?

Are you dreading Friday 13th, fearing that this unluckiest of days will bring you nothing but trouble? Fear not, as someone who has looked into this thing we call 'luck', I hereby present my Top Five Tips to attract good luck on Friday 13th (or indeed any day!)...

 

Embrace 'luck'
So many things in life are uncertain, unexpected and unplanned. Most days (including Friday 13th!) will involve events like this, big or small. The challenge (indeed, the fun!) is to embrace these events and acknowledge that much of what happens to us is down to luck, good and bad.
 
Expect good luck
If you tend to expect good luck rather than bad, you may find that you're actually likely to have more positive experiences. This is due to what psychologists call a 'self-fulfilling prophecy' in that your belief that things will work out in your favour influences how you interact with the world, which in turn affects the things that happen to you. This might at first seem at odds with Tip 1, but there are many things we might put down to luck, which we can influence! Combining tips 1 and 2 in the right way can be quite powerful, especially on a day like Friday 13th, when others are expecting the worst.
 
Be open to opportunity
There are opportunities around us all the time, we just don't pay attention to them! A relaxed and open attitude to what's around you can be enough to spot these opportunities and recognise them as such. It's within these opportunities that many 'good luck' experiences can lie.  And don't forget your own role in creating opportunities... Striking up conversations and taking yourself out of your comfort zone are simple but important ways of making opportunities, and making your own luck.
 
Go with the flow
The idea of 'going with the flow' often gets a bad press, but knowing which way the wind is blowing and letting yourself to be carried along with the breeze is actually a great way to let luck into your life. It requires an element of trust that you get what you need and that unplanned events, if you let them, they can be the source of the exciting surprises!
 
Dealing with bad luck
OK, let's be honest... This is what you're worried about when it comes to Friday 13th isn't it? In some ways it brings us back to Tip 1, because even though you may now be better equipped to attract and create more good luck into your life each day, there's no getting away from the fact that bad things do happen. They are a part of life. But you can still use simple psychology to deal with these effectively. For example, one way is to remember that no matter what happens, it could be worse, so keep things in perspective. Psychologists refer to this idea of comparing what has happened to what might have happened as 'counterfactual thinking', and it can be a powerful tool in spotting the good luck in the bad.

So there you go... 5 Top Tips for attracting good luck on Friday 13th, Saturday 14th, and beyond! Try them out and let me know how you get on... (It's better than hiding under the sheets all day!)

For those of you in and around London who would like to come out and play on Friday 13th, check out the Luck Supper at Urban Woot where we will be enjoying amazing food and wine, busting a few superstitions, and exploring the science of luck. More details here.

A new arrival!

It only took the creation of a new life to draw me back to the blog... 

I am very happy to announce a new addition to the Smith family! I became a dad again last Friday to a beautiful baby girl weighing 6lb 4 oz! We've decided to call her Connie Hannah Smith (she's kind of stuck with the Smith bit).

It all happened very quickly... Rachel phoned me around 3:15 on Friday. By the time I got home around 4:30 (having stopped off to pick up a cake for Freya's 6th birthday party we were due to have on Sat!), Rachel was clearly having contractions. We eventually left for the hospital around 6:30, getting there about 6:45. Baby was born a little over half an hour later!

So Freya and Connie share the same birthday! And Freya's party still went ahead... with yours truly in a rather manic frame of mind trying to organise 17 5-7 year old boys and girls having had about an hour's sleep. Luckily I had lots of help. 

So I'm now officially on paternity leave for the next 2 weeks... But don't expect any more blog posts any time soon (as if you were). Do wave if you see me out and about in the car with baby Connie in the back. You'll recognise the car... It's the one with the Baby on Board sign in the window.

What's luck got to do with it?

Last month I was asked to take part in an event looking at the role of luck in business hosted by Hiscox and the Royal Institution. Other panelists included author Douglas Miller, serendipity researcher Dr Stephann Makri, and entrepreneur Sarah Curran. Here's a short film of the event produced by Fresh Business Thinking:

Hiscox from Fresh Business Thinking on Vimeo.

I don't know about you, but at around the 3 minute mark I find myself thinking of Martin 'money saving expert' Lewis. Am I the only one?

Baby on Board!

I've never really figured why these pieces of plastic exist. They can be seen proudly (or rather unashamedly?) displayed in the rear windows of cars driven by new parents. But why?

I assume they are intended as a request to other drivers to take extra care around the car displaying the announcement. In practice, I can only imagine they serve to agitate said other drivers, thereby increasing the likelihood of being rammed from behind (as it were).

If you're a new parent thinking of buying a 'baby on board!' sign, save your money. As that little one gets older, you're going to need every penny you can save.

It's a man thing...

Five days gone. Twenty five to go... 25 more days of sporting what Basil Fawlty once described as a 'hairy bogey'. That's right, folks, it's  moustache season. I have never grown one before but as it is officially Movember, I thought I would have a go. And it's all in a good cause: to raise awareness and funds for men's health including prostate cancer and testicular cancer.

You can follow my progress here. And if you feel like it you can donate a pound or two towards the campaign as well!

Looper vs. Primer?

I do like a good time-travel movie, and this new one, Looper, starring Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt seems to fit the bill. Here's the trailer:



But while listening to a review of it on Radio 4's, Front Row, another film was mentioned that also deals with time-travel. The reviewers seemed to think that this other film, Primer, gave a more intelligent consideration of the time-travel idea (Looper, after all, is effectively an action movie... hey, it's gor Bruce Willis in it!). Here's the trailer for Primer:



Anyone seen either film?

Scandal in Bohemia

Writing this on phone on the train from Prague to Nurnberg. Will be posted when next near wifi. Still blows me away what technology allows us to do via phones, wifi and internet. Two days in Prague were fantastic. Great little apartment in the centre of The Old Town (well done Rachie!).

Yesterday was a full day: crossed Charles Bridge and walked up to castle; breakfast while waving at commuters in trams (Frey got 5 people one one tram to wave back and the driver to flash his lights!); changing of the guard at the castle before getting a rip-off taxi back down to river costing around £25 for a 5 minute ride (hence title of this post); gentle boat trip along the Vltava while enjoying a beer; lunch at the Kafka museum (F on trampoline); short walk to John Lennon wall (pictured) before back to Charles Bridge. Next a treat: a whirlwind sight-seeing tour of Prague in the back of a bright red open top kit car. It's a replica of a 1930's Skoda model. Very fun! Back over the bridge for a rest in the apartment before popping out for dinner beneath the tower that overlooks the old square. Long, tiring, but great fun of a day!

Chance to rest the feet today on the 5 hours train journey to Nurnberg, watching the green English-looking countryside ease by.

Gratuitous Union Jack

As we get closer to the Diamond Jubilee celebrations and then the Olympics, it seems that pretty much everyone is trying to get in on the act by including a Union Jack (or should it be a Union flag?) on their products. So, not to be left out... here is a gratuitous Union Jack:

Lollipop!

Compulsive viewing

Look out for the brand new series The Hoarder Next Door on Channel 4 this Thursday, 3rd May, at 9pm. As you can see from the blurb below it's all about compulsive hoarders and how they might be treated through psychotherapy. The best thing about it? The Production Manager.